


Growing Pains

by Anonymous



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Domesticity, Established Relationship, F/M, Infertility, Married DickBabs, Permanent Injury, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26506390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Dick and Barbara discuss the possibility of expanding their family.
Relationships: Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson
Kudos: 33
Collections: Anonymous





	Growing Pains

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of a what-if the Joker's bullet had damaged more than just Babs' spine.

Barbara takes a shaky breath and waits for the test to register.

Two others are already discarded in the trash. 

_ Third time’s the charm, _ she tells herself and she tries to find it funny.

She’s too busy holding her breath.

The lines register and she lets it out, bringing a hand to her mouth. Her shoulders shake and she lets out a wheezy gasp.

The test slips from her fingers and she bends over, running her free hand through her hair.

She feels nauseous. 

There’s a soft rap on the door and Barbara starts slightly. Her eyes slide down, falling to rest on the failed test, but she otherwise doesn’t move.

It’s there, right there. In plain sight. He’ll just walk in and see it and then he’ll  _ know.  _

She doesn’t want to get his hopes up, even for an instant, because then she’ll have to let his hopes down. 

“Babs?” Dick’s voice is gentle. He has a near miraculous ability to remain attuned to her emotional state.

“I’m here, Dick,” she says.

The door cracks open and Dick slips inside. He’s at her side in a moment, crouching down. She feels the pressure of his hand on her shoulder. 

“Hey,” he says, softly. 

Hey,” she replies, without looking at him.

Fabric rustles as Dick shifts positions to be closer to her. Gently, he brushes her hand away from her face and tilts her chin till their eyes meet.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, so sincere that it hurts her heart. He has eyes only for her right now. But sooner or later, he’ll look down… She knows what he’ll see. “Whatever it is, you can talk to me. You know that, don’t you?”

“Who says something’s wrong?” She pulls her chin away, but refuses to turn her eyes away from his. 

_ Please don’t look. Please don’t see it. _

She hates lying to him. She hates it, but she hates hurting him even more and… if she shared this with him…

Barbara knows how much he wants children. She knows how deeply this hurt would pierce his heart.

She’s not an idiot. Dick isn’t either. She knows that, sooner or later, he’ll figure things out. But, for now, she can’t bear the thought of seeing his heart break. 

It’s too late though. Dick’s wordless, muted gasp is enough of a tell to let her know that he’s seen it. 

She can’t look at him. She can’t. She can’t. She  _ can’t. _

“Barbara…” he says gently. 

She looks at him. 

“Did you think you were pregnant?”

“Dick, I’m sorry.” In the same breath. 

Dick stops short. “Wait, what?” he breathes. “Sorry? Babs, what are you…”

She wipes at her eyes with a finger- when did she begin to cry? “I know what the doctors said,” she begins. “That with me… being the way I am, we may never be able to conceive. But you wanted it so badly and I thought maybe there was a chance- there was a chance the doctors could have been wrong.”

He slips behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pressing a gentle kiss to the skin above her ear.

“Babs, it’s okay,” he says gently. His breath tickles her ear. “Whether or not you can get pregnant… That doesn’t matter, okay?”

“I know.” She pulls away from him and looks down, though she allows him to take her hands in his. “I know. I just… You know, it’s funny, actually. I didn’t think I wanted kids. They’re smelly and loud and… who wants to change a dirty diaper anyways?” She tries to smile. It’s supposed to be a joke, but Dick doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even smile. He just looks at her in that calm, wise way of his that invites her to pour out her heart to him. 

“You changed that.” 

There’s a lump in her throat and a pang in her heart as she thinks about just how  _ true  _ that is.

_ I thought maybe I’d like to have kids with you. _

There’s no way she can look at Dick and think that he was never meant to be a father.

Except now maybe he can’t be.

After the bullet to the gun she had taken courtesy of the Joker, she had wondered if more than just her spine had been damaged. 

They had seen doctors. No one had been able to give her a straight answer. 

There had been damage, yes. Could she still conceive? No one knew the answer to that.

It had been frustrating to say the least. Beyond frustrating.

Maybe it was for the better, she told herself. With Dick’s work, both as a cop in Bludhaven and as Nightwing, and her work as Oracle… maybe it was better that they not bring a child into that environment. 

“I’d give all of it up for our family, Babs,” he says. As if he’d just read her mind. The pad of his thumb brushes across her knuckles. 

“Is it right of me to ask that of you?” she wonders aloud. The city needs Nightwing more than she does, doesn’t it?

“You’re not asking it of me,” he assures gently. “I’m offering it.”

He leans forward and presses his lips to her forehead in a soft kiss. 

“I love you, Babs, and that isn’t changing.”

He sits back and gives her that little grin. The one that never fails to jumpstart her heart.

“Maybe now isn’t the right time to expand our family.” He gives her hands a squeeze. “And that’s okay.”


End file.
